Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
