you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
