how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
