just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
