Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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