She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
