And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
