You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
