You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
