And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
