So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
