Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
