I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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