Life is so much better after having sex.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
why is half of my head shaved?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
