You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
