So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Too much gin, very little bucket
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
