I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
