Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
