Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
