Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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