Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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