i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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