found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
