Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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