I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Randomize
