Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
