did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
