i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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