My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
