Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My ATM looks so different sober.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
