We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We were destined to go to rehab together
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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