i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
the raccoons are back...
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