i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
smell my finger.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
