Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
