i wish there were pregnant emoticons
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
