I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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