Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
