he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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