I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
