i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
