I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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