Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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