i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
