There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
