i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
