We're like a lot better than the average bears
her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
