im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
