stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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