You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
