She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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