You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
